When I freak out, I really go for it. I cry, I pout, I drive aimlessly all over town angrily sucking on a latte and listening to the radio way too loud. I rant to anyone who is kind enough (or dumb enough) to ask how my day is going. And when I finally recognize that my behavior isn’t serving anyone, myself included, I hide—preferably in my pajamas on the couch. Once I even had a person tell me I was an absolutist because when things go to pot I condemn my whole life without exceptions. I’m still mad at him for that comment, but he was right. When the bad stuff happens, my attitude toward it usually makes it worse. The only positive behavior I can really get myself doing when it all seems to be unraveling is to make not only a list of pros and cons, but a list of what I’m still grateful for. So, at the risk of being corny, here it is—the almost complete list of the things that keep me breathing, even when life sucks.
Friends who send emails just to say hi
When friends rant with me, even when it’s not their fight
That despite it all, my parents still love me
That I’m on good terms with most of my ex boyfriends
That my brother is my friend
Cheese. All of it.
That I can still dance, even though I’m not all that good at it
Jeans that make me look skinny
That my anger motivates me
That I was in love once, even though it was brief
Crisp fall days
That I’ve been to where Shakespeare was born, stood in front of the Acropolis, dangled my feet off the Cliffs of Moore, drank wine in Paris and danced in the streets of Barcelona
Thick wool socks
Every good book I’ve ever read and then kept
The idea that a person can have a second chance, even though it’s a myth
A good, hot meal at the end of a long day
Jameson Irish whiskey
Hanging out with friends even if it’s just on the phone
My mom’s spice cookies
And finally, laughing at myself.
Song of the day: Little Wonders by Rob Thomas